Thoughts of the day 06/03/2020

Like many people, I have not adjusted well to the isolation of the stay at home orders across the nation. I am very introverted. I spend a lot time figuring out how to avoid human interaction for normal things like shopping and scheduling a dentist appointment. However, I’ve found that I need some form of communication with humans outside my family, and that thought haunts me. Recently I’ve been quicker to anger and just less patient overall with my kids. I brought it up to my wife last night, and she mentioned that maybe I should attempt to write out my thoughts. I’ve had a running dialog in my mind over just about everything but basically, the whole world around me is degrading to shit. I’ve had a dialog with myself and I need some type of outlet. I’ve decided to take her advice and begin to write something, even if it doesn’t make sense.

I don’t know where to start. There are a lot of things bouncing around in my mind. I suppose given the current environment, I need to start with George Floyd. I can honestly say that I have not read up on the details, especially given the what and the why of the arrest. I just don’t care, this has been something that has come up almost monthly in this country. I don’t need specifics in this case, it’s just another page in a book that is way too long. What I do care about is the ultimate result. There is no excuse and there is no reason for that action. The beautiful part of due process is that you are innocent until proven guilty. No one, no matter how heinous their alleged crime is sentenced to a term in prison without a verdict from their peers (even if that process might be flawed). There was no due process involved in this case, and to say otherwise just means that you are out of touch with reality. I’m willing to admit that there might be circumstances here that I don’t know or understand, but I just don’t see it. These officers just did not care about the life of the person they were arresting, I think that much is obvious. I mean the guy had his hand in his pockets. What more could you possibly need to say that this was corrupt?

            I have the utmost respect for police officers, they do things that most of us would never dream of due to what their job encompasses. They also patrol our neighborhoods and give us a sense of security. They are willing to take the bullets that we aren’t, they’re braver than we think we are. We depend on police officers day in and day out. We ask that they drive by our houses more often than they do. We depend on them, they give us a sense of security, a sense of hope, that no matter where we live, we can go outside and walk around the block. We give our utmost trust to all our police officers; our sense of community cannot go on without them. However, maybe some of them aren’t actually fit to serve. We’ve all encountered people that are not fit to fulfill their jobs in all kinds of mundane jobs. Why should we have a lower standard for our peace officers? That just seems like common sense.

            I grew up white, I never knew that there was a divide. It was easy for me to say that I’ve never seen any racism. Sure, fine…in my igloo, there were no issues. Humans got along great, the biggest problem was if you were a white Jew or a white Catholic. Those are the issues I remember as a kid. Jew, Catholic, those were the people to avoid. There was no talk of skin color. It didn’t take long for me to realize that there was something wrong here. I always thought that there was something at least slightly wrong with this. I honestly didn’t know what. I think maybe I’m still not sure what is wrong. I’m completely unaware of just how big the significance is of the current circumstances, I don’t know what it’s like to be black. I don’t know the fear, I don’t know the wondering if people are afraid of me. These are things that I’m unfortunately incapable of understanding. I never had the opportunity to get to understand the situation. There just wasn’t diversity where I grew up, how am I supposed to adapt and comprehend the struggles of the world given that? I’m not making excuses, I’m questioning my own view of the world. What can I do to make things better? I’m also factoring in that I don’t want to interact with any human. I know that the world is completely effed, and I want to be a part of something better, but even interacting with people who agree with me scares me into inaction. In order to make any change I know that there needs to be very uncomfortable conversations. Just know that I’m trying, I’m a terrible advocate because of my own personal fears.
           Nothing has made me more aware of my thoughts than what is going on in the world right now. There is a huge divide between black and white, Republican and Democrat. One side is all for people living their rights as are granted under the constitution. The other side is all about ensuring that their own rights exist and are un-infringed at the detriment of all other Americans. These people are incapable of thinking of no one other than themselves. They think that they are the chosen people. But I have news for them, they are just humans. They are part of this earth, the same as everyone else. No matter where they are from or their background. There is no human being on this planet that is above any other. If you disagree, you aren’t capable of empathy, and I would prefer if you would remove yourself from my life. These people support Trump as if he is a savior. They are just blind sheep and do not think for themselves, they believe what they are told to believe. They are incapable of having meaningful interactions with other humans. They think they are superior, and that they are intellectual, but they are just small and cowardly. They aren’t capable of understanding that others pity them for their complete and utter misunderstanding of how the world works. Humans are designed to understand differences, its how we’ve survived for centuries. I hope that we can eventually begin to learn that we are all cut from the same cloth, and that its best if we work together.

            All in all, I think that there is a solution to the current issues. We need to listen to each other and embrace compromise. The solution to every problem known to human kind is to list and compromise. There is no right answer, and if you think you have the answer, I’m sorry you are wrong. We need the voices of all of those around us to come up with a solution. No one should be completely pleased with the result. It needs to be a compromise. That is how we all get along, that is how this country was founded, that is what democracy is.

            I think we all have an obligation to be human, to talk amongst ourselves and really see how we feel. I understand that some of us will still be racist, and others will search for something deeper. That something deeper can mean many things, I just hope that it is toward understanding.