The US in a nutshell

 

                The more I talk with people about their beliefs the more confused I seem to get. I agree and yet I don’t agree with their beliefs. I’m stuck in this weird middle. I fully understand where they come from, but yet it doesn’t resonate with me. It doesn’t seem to make sense to me. I’m empathetic to what they are saying, and I can relate, but it just feels empty. Its like I’ve been programmed to just agree with people. Maybe I have, I’m not sure.

                It is just in my nature to see opposing points of view. It has led to many issues in my life. It has led to lack of confrontation which has bothered people. It has led to confrontation which has bothered people. Basically, my empathy has led to everyone thinking that I’m not capable of having my own opinions.

                This has eaten at me a lot, and I know that I’ve lost many (if not all of my) friendships, because I let things happen around me. I don’t go out of my way to make things happen. I react, I let everyone else make their move and then decide.

                I’ve always lived my life this way, as lonely as it is, I’ve come to realize that I do in fact put others and their lives above myself. I’m finally at a place where I can look back and reflect. I’m not social and I don’t reach out to different groups. I don’t go out of my way to donate to charity. The only way I can do my part and ensure that less fortunate people have food on their table or get a chance at a job is to pay my taxes.

                I grew up with church and everything it taught. Many of those teachings stick with me, they make me who I am, and probably why I’m slow to say that someone is wrong. In the end the biggest thing that stuck with me is that you are supposed to tithe. As a member of the church you are supposed to donate 10% of your wealth to the church. Supposedly that money is going to people in need. Maybe so, every church is different.

                From my experience, and anecdotally I suppose, the people who are adamant about tithing are the same people who want lower taxes. I don’t see a difference. Paying your taxes and contributing to the many beneficial things that they go to are the same as giving the church money. I guess maybe you can say that the government will waste the taxes on stupid things (and you’re probably right), but how many churches/charities were caught in similar schemes?

                I know that most of the people who would question what I just said would consider themselves conservative. Which is fine, we need opposing views to succeed as a community. However, I’m a sports junky. Whenever the commentators think that teams are not playing smart, or that they are trying not to lose, they say that they are playing conservative. I don’t think that this is just a sports metaphor.

                Being conservative prevents taking chances, it prevents reaching out. Conservatism doesn’t allow for change and compromising. Conservatism doesn’t allow for acknowledging mistakes or misinformation. Conservatism is a self confidence that you are going to win despite the odds.

                Every sport has a conservative play, and it is that you are confident that you are going to win. It has nothing to do with what you are going to do to ensure that you are going to win, no, it is that you are going to win and there is nothing the other team can do. You are going to win and if you lose its because of what the other team did, not because of what you did.

                Just like sports we need to leave open the fact that things out of our control will happen. People will tell us that our legislation is crap. The opposition will stand up and defeat something even though there is overwhelming believe in it. A terrible bill will make it through against all odds.

                I’m angry because I care about people, I believe in science, I believe in medicine, I have many gripes about the Democrats. I feel alone, I’m not allowed to take in fact and interpret it unless I choose a party. I’m not allowed to say something like the Republican party is anti-American, because I’m just cast as a far-left democrat. Who gives a shit that I’m actually fairly conservative on many fronts. That isn’t what matters. No, all that matters is that I conform to what I’m told to think.